Educate Yourself: Educate yourself about domestic violence.  A good place to start is this resource list.

Listen: This is one of the most important things you can do.  Remember, the person confiding in you has kept this problem a secret from others.  Find a quiet place where you can talk safely and without interruption.  Listening encourages victims to talk about the abuse.

Believe: Do not deny the abuse is happening.  Do not pass judgment.  Show your support no matter what decision is made about the abusive relationship.

Validate Feelings: Do not ignore the abuse as this will only serve to hide feelings and to worsen the problem, which is dangerous and destructive.

Show Respect: Show that you respect the person’s ability to handle the situation and to cope with it.  This will help with empowerment and developing confidence to deal with the abuse.

Do Not Give Advice: As difficult as it is, it is necessary to refrain from giving advice especially when your friend first confides in you.  Allow the person in the situation to make decisions about what to do, and when to do it.  Your role is to help identify options and consequences which might follow.  Example: you could mention that if the victim does not seek help, children could be exposed to abuse as well.  Empower the victim with information and the ability to make decisions by spelling out the options available.

Do Not Blame the Victim: This is important because blame is how the abuser often justifies the abuse.  Make it clear that no one has the right to abuse another.  Explain the dynamics of the cycle of violence.  Talk about how Allah does not allow a man to abuse his wife.  Similarly, Allah does not allow parents to abuse their children, or children to abuse their parents.

Encourage Seeking Help: Provide support in facing the problem and dealing with it for the sake of each member of the family.  Provide support and transportation to places like shelters, legal aid, etc.  If you have an Imam you can trust to deal with this situation appropriately, encourage seeking his help first.  It is possible that your friend will feel more comfortable with an Imam and an Islamic center than in mainstream social services.

Discuss Safety: Talk to your friend about shelters and other safe places, how to access services, and help create a safety plan.

Do Not Speak to the Abuser: This can worsen the situation and create more danger.  If the abuser finds out you know about the situation, the problem could escalate.  The abuser may punish the victim for telling others about the problem.

Stay in Touch: One of the things abusers do is to isolate victims from family and friends.  Keep in touch with your friend as much as possible, by phone or email if not in person.  Make sure contact is made in a manner that does not attract the abuser’s attention.

Make Duaa’: Duaa’ (prayer) connects you with the Most Powerful One, our Creator.  Pray for your friend.  Our Prophet (May Allah’s Peace and Blessings be upon him) said that your prayer for a person increases love between you and that person.  Encouraging your friend to make duaa’ will provide a source of strength and spiritual support.